Inertia

Sluggishness/ slothfulness/ listlessness/ lethargic
That's how I feel today. That's how I felt yesterday. I have no compulsion to do much of anything. Today I feel terrible. I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't go to school, I stayed home on the sofa. I feel guilty and flaky for doing that, but I couldn't have done anything else. I slept until about 10am and then I felt reasonably OK and very guilty for staying home.

Then again I think about all the people at school who get time off for this and that- going to conferences, watching their child's nativity, going to the doctor to check on their pregnancy, staying home to take care of their sick children. Well it's unlikely that I'll ever really need time off for those things. So what really is the harm in taking a day off school, to which, it could be argued I am entitled?

Where has this slothfulness come from? No motivation. No joie de vivre. Is it the Winter's fault? The darkness? Is it that my job no longer excites me? Am I just lazy by nature? Is there something wrong with my mind? Am I cracking up?

Right now all I want to do is go to an island in the sun, alone, and read. For days, or even weeks. Just lie there and think and read and occasionally eat.

Not much bloody chance of that.

I'm such a drama queen. I'll be alright.

C x

Catch-up!

God it's been ages since I wrote anything. Clearly not much going on inside my head afterall, but don't want to get a reputation for being flaky so I'll share a few of my musings.

Seriously considering a career change. Yes another one. Teaching. what's it all about. I'm sick of cheeky ungrateful teenagers. I'm sick of the tiny amount of money I get paid for doing a difficult and important job. I'm sick of having to consider when I'll fit in lesson planning, report writing, marking...into my weekend before I can make any plans.
I'm sick of waking up in the dark at 6am.

But what else can I do? As small as my salary is I would probably end up making less if I started off at something else. I know, what I need. I need to find a rich man so that I can be a kept woman. I know that's not politically correct to say but I don't care. Working sucks and so does not having any money.

I'm still seeing D. Although I'm having a few doubts. He doesn't have much money which ultimately means I will never be a woman of leisure and there are a few things he needs to learn in the bedroom. Like it takes a woman more than 2 minutes to climax from oral sex. I had to send him home with a sex book to find out what he needs to do. I am not accepting bad sex any more.

It seems like ages since I wrote my 'I hate winter' blog and still I fear the worst is yet to come. It's only mid January the most pointless month of the year. There is nothing good about January. I am re-toxing big time after christmas. fuck all that de-tox shite. What else is there to do in January but smoke, drink and eat chocolate.

I'm excited for my friend Jen who might have a new wanna be mountie boyfriend and an exciting new important sounding job. I'm excited for my friend Damian who got given a hot boy's phone number when he was covered in cold sores.

Now, can I be arsed to go to the gym tonight? I think not. Bring on the wine.

C x